I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
