So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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