She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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