Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
