Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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