As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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