i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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