At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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