6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
