My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
