did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize