cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
