I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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