I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
