I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize