I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
