Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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