where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
