Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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