Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
