he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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