I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
