Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
