We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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