I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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