listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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