if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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