I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
