Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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