That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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