i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
