he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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