I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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