what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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