I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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