i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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