So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize