the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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