...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
