ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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