He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
