Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
