The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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