Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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