Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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