Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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