First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
