Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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