i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
