I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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