the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
