so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
