you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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