$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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