Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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