I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
