the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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